My first half-marathon is done and over. It was a good experience. I had a good training session. The course was great. The weather was great. The expo was good (not great, but good). I love Baltimore and I love the Ravens. It's not always the best thing to admit that being married to a woman whose parents are die-hard Browns fans, but I digress. Running to and from M&T Bank Stadium through "Charm City" is a magnificent experience. Especially, if you have the opportunity to top it off with one of their incredible pit beef sandwiches.
I even ran a really good race. I finished in 1:41:58. That's a 7:47 pace for the mathematically challenged. So, why do I feel like it wasn't enough? I don't know. I tell people all the time to run their own race. I tell people the only person they're racing against is themself. I mean, I acomplished every single one of my goals for this race. Finish? Check. Finish in less than 2 hours? Check. Finish in less than 1:45:00? Check. Why wasn't it enough?
There are a few things I can think of. #1 There were several times where I was boxed in and I knew I could have been running faster. #2 I felt awesome at the end of the race. Really, I felt like I could have run that past for a few more miles. #3 I changed my goal mid race because I knew how well I was doing and how I felt. I really thought I could finish in less than 1:40:00. #4 I was so close.
I think the last one just really stings the most. I was close. How close? 9 seconds per mile. When I see that my average mile was a 7:47, but I had two miles that were close to 8:00 that kills me. What makes it even worse for me is those 2:00 minutes are what separates me from being considered an "elite" runner at the local level. Yes, it's just the local level, I get that, but for me it's something. I don't know what that something is, but it's like I have this burning desire to accomplish something. I don't know what it is or what I want. Maybe I've watched the video of Steve Prefontaine in the 5000m at the 72 Olympics one too many times.
Courtesy of jdaikoku
Hell, maybe I've just watched the Prefontaine movies one too many times period. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything like that. Maybe this is a normal feeling for runners. Although, part of me feels like I want this, I don't know if I want to put in the work for it. I don't know if I'm willing to push through the hurt. Am I capable of running faster? Yeah. I am. A lot faster. I've run sub 7:30 miles for as much as a 10k. Hell, I've even done a 5K at a sub 7:00. The question is, am I willing to accept that pain over a longer period. Am I willing to grind it out to get that extra little bit.
My wife and I had this very conversation over a year ago. I told her I'm not willing to sacrifice comfort in order to finish a few minutes faster. Now, I'm not so sure. I think I have some decisions to make over the next few weeks and I think need to take some time and maybe let running become fun again.
