SPAAAAAR-TANS!!! PREPARE FOR GLORY!

I am sure everyone is dying to know how the race went.  By all accounts, I would have to say it was a success.  I wasn't thrilled with my time (a little over 2 hours), but it wasn't due to a lack of effort.  I left everything I had on that field.  There was definitely room for improvement, but there are just some things that you cannot account for.  Unbelievably, the weather cooperated.  I really couldn't have asked for a better race.  There were some things that looked like they were going to be easier on the videos and there were others things that turned out to be much easier.  From what I know so far, I actually did pretty well overall and for my age group. What will follow is pretty much a blow by blow of how the morning went and how the race was.

I woke up at around 6:30 a.m. and my wife and I got everyone ready (she did most of the work because I'm lazy).  I had a nice light breakfast of a white bagel with peanut butter.  I turned out to be an almost perfect breakfast and will likely be my new race day food of choice.  We got out of the house around 8:00 to be greeted by an under inflated tire.  Thankfully, we had to stop for gas and took care of the tire in a jiffy.  

The field was about an hour away and we got stuck in some traffic.  We got to the field at around 10:00.  There was a soccer tournament nearby and there were a bunch of pissed off soccer moms that didn't take too kindly to a bunch of scuzzy racers clogging up their field.  I immediately went to packet pickup while eating my last pre-race snack (a banana).  Packet pickup was a breeze because I followed the instructions posted on the Spartan Race website.  For the next hour, we just kind of hung out and watched the festivities. 

Me with Superman

We were lucky enough to get there to see Team X.T.R.E.M.E. parachute onto the field and do their start.  For those that don't know, Team X.T.R.E.M.E. is a group of disabled veterans that races in full combat gear.  Probably the most motivating experience of the morning.

Team X.T.R.E.M.E. Parachuting In

Team X.T.R.E.M.E. Starting Point

Within an hour I met up with my running partner and we got to the starting line.  We joked with one another for a little bit, him telling me I was too skinny, me asking him if he was going to run in a T-shirt or the natural wool sweater he was wearing underneath it.  My wife and kids followed us over to the start and snapped a few pictures of me acting cheesy.  We heard that the top men's time was 1:16:00.  We both scoffed at that.  I was certain that I would finish within 1:30:00.

Starting Line

The host bombed us with a smoke grenade and that started the race.  I was running on adrenaline at the beginning of the race.  They could have had a 30' tall wall and I would've scaled that bastard with ease.  There were a few obstacles at the beginning that were pretty easy to traverse.  A little jumping and rolling, nothing too serious.  At the end of the first field there was an obstacle that required us to jump over, roll under and jump through three separate walls.  I cracked my back going through the last part, luckily I had loaded up on my Yoga earlier this week or this may have been a problem.

We quickly ran into another field and through a water pit before going off road.  When I say off road, I mean it.  There was a trail, but it was littered with holes, fallen tree trunks and huge rocks.  Very easy to roll an ankle.  After the first mile, my running partner and I ran into the biggest hill I've ever raced up.  Honestly, I thought it would never end.  I rarely walk when I run and even I had to stop and catch my breath.  I pulled away from my partner at this point and got a massive lead.  He didn't catch back up until around mile six.

I Don't Have Any Pictures of Me Doing Obstacles, So I figured I Would Add A Picture of My Kids Acting Silly While Daddy Was Out Being A Spartan.

 



That hill was awful and seemed to last almost an entire mile.  The descent was just as difficult because it was so steep, I had to pretty much stutter step my whole way down.  After the hill of death, the adrenaline had worn off and I was starting to hurt already.  It's at this point that I should mention that we were racing around horse farms.  For much of the next mile, I spent most of my time running and jumping over barriers that horses would use for the steeplechase.  It was getting old and I was starting to get more than a little frustrated at all the jumping I was doing over these stupid things.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally made it out of the steeplechase.  We went back off road again.  Much of the next mile is pretty much a blur.   I really don't remember anything being too difficult.  It seemed like they wanted to give us a little bit of a break before hammering us again.  A few things to jump over, but nothing too serious.  Right before mile 4 we came out of the woods again and were closing in on the fairgrounds.  That's when we came to the world's longest low crawl through mud under barbed wire.  Seriously, I may be exaggerating, but not much, it seemed like this low crawl was the length of like three football fields.  It was split into three fields and in between each one was a pit of water. 

As I was running up, one of the guys told me to roll under it and put my arms up above my head.  Yeah, bullshit!  I wound up with gashes all over my back from trying it that way.  Maybe that guy doesn't do his should presses or something.  I lost a TON of time crawling under that barbed wire, oh and might I add, the mud was filled with rocks.  So, not only did I thrash my back on the barbed wire, but my knees, ribs and elbows were wrecked on the rocks and worst of all I lost my number which had my free beer ticket on it.  After the mud pit, there were a set of monkey bars, I went all Gladiator and rubbed dirt on my hands to make sure I got a grip and I destroyed those monkey bars.

One of My Battle Scars

Miles 4-6 were actually kind of tame.  There was some more jumping over steeplechase barriers and I almost fell off of one into a ravine at one point, but it was pretty tame.  There was a balancing obstacle where you had to walk across a flat log before scaling a 6' wall.  After the wall, there was another balancing obstacle where you had to walk across stumps that were varying heights all stuck in the ground, then scale a cargo net and then flip a giant tire a few times. 

Then, I got to the Hercules Hoist and I was screwed.  I'll be honest.  I though this obstacle was going to be a cake walk and it kicked my ass.  My strategy was to get a foot hold and then just walk back.  The problem was that the ground and my shoes were caked in mud and getting a foot hold was impossible.  I got it about 1/3 of the way up before I gave up and just did my burpies.  The energy I burned on those burpies and trying to get that weight up REALLY hurt me.  It was here that my running partner caught me.  I was dying at this point, but I saw a family sitting out in the middle of a field. They asked me what heat I was in and after I told them, they were impressed and told me I was "really moving."  That gave me just that extra little bit I needed to keep trudging forward.

I really don't remember a lot from miles 6-8+ (I say 8+ because I know damn well that course was well over 8 miles).  I do remember that they saved the hardest obstacles for the end.  Right after mile 6 started, they gave me a 50-60 lb sandbag that I had to haul around what seemed like forever.  I had to push that thing over logs and throw it on top of rocks and then climb on top of the rocks before throwing it down and then picking it up and carrying it some more.  It seemed like I carried that stupid sand bag for a good 10+ minutes. 

From there, I had to scale another cargo net and then do, what I thought, was one of the hardest obstacles of then entire race, "The Bunny Hop."  I know, "The Bunny Hop?"  What's so intense about that?  It was around "The Bunny Hop" that I felt my calves start to go and afterward was the only time where I walked for any significant amount of time.  They give you a big rubber strap and you hook it around your ankles.  You have to hop over logs and roll under ropes for about a hundred feet.  Doesn't sound too hard, but it was agony. 

After "The Bunny Hop" we made it back to the main fairgrounds.  It's a total mindscrew.  You think you're pretty much at the end and then they hit you with 7 ridiculous obstacles right at the end. A series of water pits, followed by walking up an inclined wall with a rope, then you have to pull a cinder block around a (I guess) 1/4 mile track, scale another 6 foot wall, rock climb horizontally across a wall with wooden blocks, a javelin throw and then a rope climb.  I was really worried about scaling the water wall, but my shoes stuck to that bitch like glue.  I went up and over it with no problem.

It was off to the brick pull.  That brick pull was awful.  All kinds of shit would get stuck under it and make it harder to drag.  Not to mention, you had to drag it with a chain.  I was dying at this point.  I just wanted that shit to be over.  I completely lost my calves doing this obstacle and I got to a point where I would yank it and then walk the chain out.  That obstacle was awful.  I was at a slow jog at this point and I jogged to the next obstacle, another 6' wall.  Surprisingly, I went up it like it was nothing (No doubt thanks to my outstanding hip drive from all of the squats and dead lifts I've been doing). 

Amazingly, my running partner was on the other side of the wall.  I was convinced I had lost to him.  Turns out the 6' wall burned him and he had to knock out 30 burpies for it.  We came back to the starting point and we knew we only had to finish the final obstacles.  We both traversed the rock climb wall, then it was the javelin throw.  He blew his completely.  Mine actually hit the target and would have stuck if the target was a little fuller. 30 burpies for the both of us.  If my calves weren't completely spent before then, they were now.  We both walked to the rope climb. 

I scaled the rope (like a boss) and hit the bell.  As soon as he heard me hit the bell, he said "You got me, Torres."  He went down and did his burpies.  I tried to get down slowly and gracefully, but my calves were gone.  They couldn't hold me on the rope.  How I got up there in the first place, I'll never know.  I was halfway down the rope and my legs gave out.  I fell about ten feet into the water below.  I crawled out of the pit and walked over to the last stretch.  I knelt down and in an homage to CM Punk, I looked at my wrist band, I got up, shuffled my fists, cupped my mouth and shouted "IT'S CLOBBERING TIME" as I sprinted toward the gladiators at the finish line.

Turns out the gladiators didn't take to kindly to my challenge and tried to crush me as I sprinted through.  One crushed me in the chest, another threw his pugil stick at me and still another one got me in "The Boyz."  The one that got me in "The Boyz" pissed me off and I shouted back at him, "Is that all you got, bitch!"  One of them chased me after that and tried to throw his pugil stick at me. He missed as I crossed the finish line. 

I Think This Is Actually Me Turning To Make Sure I Didn't Have A Gladiator On My Ass

The feeling I got when I crossed the finish line was incredible.  Life changing.  I knew that every squat, every dead lift, every pull-up, every mile, every stretch, every bench press was worth it. It was amazing.  I thought that race would be hard, but nowhere near as hard as it actually was.  After finishing, I feel like I can accomplish anything.  My gut and balls hurt from being crushed by one of those gladiators, but I was immune to it.  It was just incredible.  The hardest miles I had ever done and it was worth every second.  A few moments later I was in agony.  I was on the ground holding my calves in the fetal position and a few minutes later my thighs locked up, but even that pain was worth it.  It was amazing and I'm already contemplating doing it again next year.